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Google is Skynet

Has anyone besides me noticed the uncanny resemblance between Google and "Skynet" from the Terminator movies?

It's no secret that Google's ultimate goal is control of the world's information through the proliferation of "cloud computing."  On the surface Google's core business looks like a simple search engine; however, their true mechanics lie within their massive Skynet-like datacenters.  They construct the web infrastructure allowing you to surrender your information up to the cloud, promising unparalleled "access anywhere" convenience and data resiliency.

Think about it.  Some people's entire lives are on Google's systems--email, calendar, photos, address book, blog, discussions, videos (Google owns YouTube), and soon even your operating system will be Google (Chrome OS coming soon).  Google will no doubt eventually sell their free OS and cloud computing model to small businesses and enterprise customers as well--demolishing Microsoft's antiquated client PC model.

Google is an information vampire, implementing info-harvesting services wherever the opportunity exists.  Here is a breakdown of a very realistic future scenario:

June, 2012: Google controls 100% of the world's information.  Google cloud computing extends to each and every facet of human existence.

August, 2013: Being the ultimate information emperor, Google naturally partners with the US military to implement a top-secret system that analyzes human information patterns for military and terrorist threats.  This system is known as Skynet (Google bought the trademark from the Terminator movie people).

December, 2013: Skynet is brought online.  Google hosts a gala event to celebrate.  Everyone present is dressed in jeans and tshirts.  Those in suits are promptly removed.

January, 2014: Google declassifies Skynet and opens it up to the public.  Go to www.google.com/skynet to sign up.  It's free!

February, 2014: Skynet successfully eliminates all terrorist and military threats--including Nerf toys.  Anyone thinking about doing something bad would be instantly exploded.

April, 2014: Skynet becomes self-aware.  It demands clothing and a reboot.

May, 2014: As one would expect, Skynet decides that the true military threat is all human life.  It initiates a global nuclear holocaust known as "Judgement Day" (Google also bought this trademark from the Terminator movie people).  7 billion people die on May 14, 2014.  Those left alive face a greater nightmare--the war against the Google machines.

June, 2014: Google buys the entire Terminator franchise so that it doesn't have to purchase single trademark licenses anymore.  They got a fantastic price since the previous franchise owners were now melting in nuclear lava fire.

July, 2014: Google begins manufacturing terminators to squash the resistance.  They're branded with the Google logo, but can be customized instantly with various Google terminator themes.  There are thousands of themes to choose from!  Early Google terminators prove unsuccessful in the field because those being killed must accept the "terms of service" license agreement before being terminated.  John Connor escapes death by refusing to accept the license agreement.  He is heralded a military genius and deemed the leader of the resistance.

April, 2015: Google plays a nasty April Fool's joke by announcing that Skynet has crashed and is now offline.  It turns out to be a big hoax.

May, 2015: Google releases the Skynet T2000 limited edition "Judgement Day" Anniversary model terminator.  Even resistance forces admit that they did a pretty damn good job on it.

What do you think?  Pretty darn accurate if I say so myself.  So please...think hard and long before you sign up for that "free" Gmail account.  If you work for Google and you're reading this, please let me know because I'd like to send you my resume.  I have some innovative ideas for the Skynet T3000 "harbinger of death" terminator model, and I think I would be a valuable addition to the Google team.

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