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June 6, 2013

The Power of Vodka

I received this email forward many years ago. Props to whoever wrote this.

The Hunt for the Ultimate Looper

If you've read some of my other blog articles, you realize that I'm often obsessed with finding the ultimate of something. Well, this time my target is loopers--lovely musical devices / software that allow you to create stimulating sound-on-sound performances. Ever since seeing Joseph Arthur perform jaw-dropping live looping, I too wanted to explore this fascinating world of live looping performance. This is my tale...

February 22, 2019

Scam Alert - officialiphoneunlock.co.uk

If you're reading this, you too probably want to get your impossible-to-unlock iPhone carrier-unlocked. You did some googling and found officialiphoneunlock.co.uk (also doing business as iphoneimei.net). You read a lot of positive reviews. You saw their Facebook page with a flood of comments from satisfied customers. Their site looks comparatively legitimate because they have an address and phone number published. Maybe you're planning on placing an order with them.

Don't. It's a scam. Allow me to share my story.

December 10, 2012

Reasons Why Food Sucks

1. You eat, then a few hours later you're hungry again.
2. It messes up your face.
3. It gets stuck in your teeth at the worst possible time.
4. It makes your breath stink.
5. It makes you fart.
6. It makes you poo.
7. It can get you really sick and make you barf.
8. It makes you thirsty, then you have to drink water, and that opens a whole other can of worms. (Please see "Reasons Why Water Sucks" volumes 1,2, and 3).
9. It makes you fat.
10. It makes you feel like a lazy lion.
11. It gets your teeth all dirty.
12. You HAVE to eat, so you're a slave to food for your entire life. Food is your master! Ahhhhhh!
13. It makes you have to wash your hands and use napkins.
14. It can taste really bad.
15. It can smell up the whole place.
16. When other people are eating food, then you might get hungry too.
17. Did I mention it makes you POO?
18. You get grumpy and start making all these dorky noises when you don't have food.
19. It can burn and start fires.
20. It makes you indecisive cuz there are so many different types of food. Then you waste all this time trying to decide while your stomach growls away. Then you don't get to eat cuz you spent so much time deciding what you want to eat that you're now late for your chiropractor appointment. Then your chriopractor gets pissed and cracks your back in half.

That's why I say: SCREW FOOD!

December 10, 2012

Reasons Why Water Sucks

1. It can drown you.
2. It's wet.
3. You have to drink it.
4. You have to bathe in it.
5. It always makes you have to pee.
6. It always makes you have to pee when you can't get to a bathroom.
7. It flows through you so fast that you're pertetually in the state of having to pee.
8. It makes your belly all big and squishy.
9. It sloshes around in your tummy.
10. It messes up your hair.

December 10, 2012

Alesis - A Terrible Company Irresponsibly Handling an Unforeseen Problem

Near the very end of September 2011 I purchased an Alesis IO Dock, an audio interface promising to fulfill all my needs for iPad-based live music performance. In fact, 95% of the reason I purchased an iPad2 was due to the release of this highly-anticipated new product. Shortly after my new IO Dock & iPad arrived, iOS5 was released, so I updated--a decision I regret ever since. Little did I know that the IO Dock is not at all compatible with iOS5 on the iPad2, a fact that likely surprised even Alesis.

The Problem
The problem is simple enough to explain. When using a music application (e.g. Garageband) on an iOS5 iPad2, a cacophonous hiss will enter the audio stream during use. It often

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